


April Fool's

by ChimaeraKitten



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Gen, No editing we die like mne, One Shot, Someone give Jim Gordon a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChimaeraKitten/pseuds/ChimaeraKitten
Summary: Jim Gordon just wants to finish a conversation once. Is that to much to ask?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to post this for actually april fools day, but then I was out of the country then, so yeah. I'm posting it now. It's not really firmly set on april fool's day anyway.

Today, Jim was prepared.

He had everything planned out perfectly. All it would take was not tipping Batman off. Admittedly not an easy task, but Jim was certain he could pull it off.

He went over the plan in his head one more time.

Staple gun? Check.

Robin’s help? Check.

Note on the Batsignal to come inside to look at files that couldn’t get rained on? Check.

Now all that was left was executing the plan.

The case he turned the signal on for was real of course. A drug bust down by the docks. Simple sun-of-the-mill operation, nothing he hadn’t briefed his eccentric friend on before.

The difference was, this time they were going to finish the conversation.

He didn’t have to wait long. He’d barely finished checking that the staple gun was properly hidden before there was a crack of thunder and a creak from the window.

Jim deliberately didn’t watch the shape silently moving through his office, but he did glance up at the bright “You called, comish?” from the window.

Robin was here. Good. That meant phase one of the plan was a success.

Trying to breathe naturally and wholly forgetting what natural breathing was like, Jim said, “I did. There’s a bug bust going down in an hour at the warehouse on waterfront and 36th.”

“You want us there.” It wasn’t a question. Jim kind of hated that.

"The building has a difficult layout. Lots of possible escape routes. Your presence would help things go more smoothly.”

“Hn.”

“Here,” Jim said, shuffling papers carefully, pulling that warehouse layout to the top while surreptitiously taking hold of the staple gun with this other hand. “See, the northern side backs up into this alley.” He pointed at the spot, which on this map was positioned close enough to Jim that Batman had to lean over the desk to see it.

Jim waited with baited breath until he heard a slight rasp that meant Batman’s cape had swept up onto the wood.

Just then a loud SLAM sounded on the other end of the office and Batman turned around with a frown.

“Sorry,” Robin said, picking up the stack of books he knocked over. He set them back on the chair one by one, with an audible thump each time, and Batman turned back to Jim. “You were saying?”

“Just that it’s liable to get messy on the north side. I think—“ Jim continued, turning around in his chair to face the Gotham map on the wall. “—That any who get out are likely to flee north and east,” He traced the most probable route with his finger. “So if you could be there it would make things easier for every—“

_RIIIIIIIIIIIP_

Jim spun back around, trying (and failing) to keep the grin of his face. Robin had even less control and was clearly about to fall over, he was laughing so hard.

Batman stood near the window, holding up the side of a cape that looked like a shark had taken a bite out of it. The aforementioned bite was stapled neatly to the corner of Jim’s desk.

The beginnings of a few emotions played across Batman’s face, all clamped down on before they became clear. Finally he settled on a deadpan “Why.”

This only made Robin laugh more.

“Why? Because I wanted to finish a god damn conversation for once!” Jim was torn between irritation, humor, and elation over actually having pulled it off. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to never finish conversations?”

Batman seemed to have decided that incredulous was an appropriate expression to display at the scenario. It looked strange on a face that Jim rarely ever saw doing anything except “focused” and “scary”. Barbara was never going to believe this.

“That’s actually all I really have to say, so you can go.”

Evidently the idea of Batman being dismissed by anyone was Hilarious-with-a-capital-H to Robin, because he fell over. His laughter had long since lapsed into quiet wheezing that made Jim worry about the state of the boy’s lungs. The glare Batman gave him only served to make it worse.

Eventually Batman picked up the boy by the scruff of his cape and pulled him out the window, which closed with a final snap.

Jim allowed himself to break down into laughter.

When he recovered a bit he called Bullock in the security room. “Tell me you got that on video.”

“We did indeed, Comish. And on behalf of all of us who have to deal with Bats, let me commend you for your genius. We already have bets on whether the kid gets chastised or praised for the distraction.”

Jim allowed himself another huff of laughter before sobering up. “Alright. Back to work.”

Batman didn’t come within six feet of him for a month, but he stayed to the end of conversations for a week, so, all in all, progress.

**Author's Note:**

> The recording was on youtube within the hour. Detective Bullock got a couple thousand new subscribers and one very scary nighttime visit for his efforts. Hal Jordan brought it up at the next league meeting.


End file.
